All I ever wanted was to get married and have children. Somehow, this idea has become discredited. Why? Is this a conspiracy? How did the thing that has been the most important in the survival of the human race become “unfashionable”? Where would the world be without the family unit?

No one ever told me when I was young that there was anything I could not do as a woman. When speaking with my father about my opportunities, I mentioned that the only thing I was not allowed to do was become the President of the United States. “Why not be the first one?!” he said. But I did not want a job outside of my home. I wanted a home, and I wanted to run it.

The idea of blending my life with that of a boy was so exciting as a teenager. It never occurred to me that there was anything I would be giving up. I did not want a career more than a husband and children. The idea of being a wife did not seem overwhelming. It never seemed like I would give up any opportunity or negate my future in favor of his. Because, in my mind, my future was his future. We would be a team headed in the same direction. Our goals would be similar, and our families would be supportive. We would be pulling for the same core values. We expected to have some influence on the results.

There was no negative. We expected to fall in love. The man was supposed to love the woman wholeheartedly, to have a family with her, to protect her, until parted by death. And she was supposed to love him exclusively, and spend her life with this man. She wanted to have his children and raise them together as a family.

Marriage was not taken lightly in the past as it was permanent. Yet, it was also the most natural thing in the world to wed. There were some things that made life easier. So it was important to think it through. If a woman picked a man her friends and family liked, that was a good sign. The couple should preferably be of the same religion and social background because these things make life easier. When they realize they are in love, they should discuss these things and understand whether they are alike or different. Having the same goals makes life more pleasant and the marriage more fun. If more lovers did this, they would likely be happy and the statistics about divorce would be lower.

On the other hand, I knew people who knew nothing about each other when they married. One couple we knew married after knowing each other for only a week. By the time we knew them, they were very old, still in love, and doing things together. To me, they were a miracle.  I knew them for years in their old age, and they never wearied of each other. Another couple close to my age married without all that soul-searching I believed in. They fought about all sorts of things because they had different beliefs. But they were passionate about each other and stayed married for over 50 years, until the wife died. These women with traditional marriages were not oppressed. They were happy participants in their own lives.

Today, the term “trad wife” has an unfortunate negative sound. In fact, anything traditional is uncomfortable for today’s young people. They do not want to do anything like their parents did. Everyone tells girls they MUST have a career in case they need to support themselves. “Pick something that pays enough to support you and your family,” say their mentors. They often go to law school. Or they may choose to study medicine to become doctors or nurses because there is always a need.

They date and date, though I don’t think they call it that anymore. In fact, they “hook up,” which is a lot more intense than “dating.” It is as if they want to get in as much wildness as possible before deciding on the “drudgery” of marriage. They say they want to have fun before marriage, so they put marriage off. While they are putting it off and having all that fun, their childhood sweetheart is marrying someone else. When they decide it is time to settle down, those left on the field are a small, tired, disconsolate group.

Worse, these girls have become jaded. Their hearts have been broken repeatedly. They are approaching 40, or they have already reached it. People told them they could wait and have children later, but now it is too late. Suddenly, the “baby hunger” they have vaguely heard about attacks them like a tiger. They realize that they want a child more than anything in the world. Maybe they want to be a mother more than they want a man, and that becomes a problem. They have a biological clock ticking away and have not kept their options open. They missed several opportunities to marry, and those men married others.

Sadly, they are no longer fresh, innocent young girls susceptible to romance, juicy and ripe for the picking. Instead, they are a bit shopworn, cynical, and perhaps wavering between depressed and desperate. No advice will help these women. They made a choice based on the norms of their generation. And they cannot undo their past or the number of their relationships, the drunken one-night stands, the hardening of their hearts, or the aging of their bodies. But if they become mothers, what will they tell their children? Will they permit them to be different if they have daughters? Will they warn them of the dangerous idea of “having fun before you get married?” and “You have plenty of time later to get married and have a family.” Because these are both a lie. If I were a conspiracy theorist, I might think there was a subversive plot to weaken our country by destroying the family unit.

All that propaganda about  “fun before marriage” is not true. Nothing is more fun than marrying the man you love and setting up a home. There is nothing more fun than melding into a couple with permanence and trust. A married couple knows they always have a partner for the “destination wedding” of a friend, or the family get together that can be tense in some families. You are solidly together, and can give your whole hearts to each other. The good things are double as good while the bad things are only half as bad when you have a trusted husband or wife. This is better than “fun”. There is no thrill like that of seeing your husband gazing with indescribable love at the baby you both conceived. Nothing empowers a woman like giving birth to a new human being. The birth itself may be the most amazing thing she has ever done.

Being a “trad wife” is marvelous. You do not have to stay home and bake bread. You can work and be married. Try to live on your husband’s income. Save the money you make so you can use it later if you need to. Good advice is to pretend you only have his salary to live on. Do not spend every penny on fun or frivolous things. Invest it, but for growth, and use a financial advisor if you don’t know what you should do. You can delay children a bit, but do not wait too long. It is such fun to have a family. It is a lot easier to get pregnant when you are in your twenties. And the thing is, those children grow up fast: Do not limit yourself to just one child, especially if you start young and have plenty of energy for raising a family. Remember: though you will be a parent forever, it is only about 10 years before they begin to do their own thing. Then, you can go back to work or develop a new skill. You may return to college for a new degree or learn a new trade. Your life has not really even started yet, and you have plenty of time.

When too many negative life experiences do not jade you, you have significant reserves of strength of mind. Stay unclogged by unpleasant past deeds. Aim for purity where you can. Don’t lower your standards for anyone. You DO have standards, don’t you? If not, then begin to develop them. Too many people grow up with an attitude of pleasure first without regard to the consequences. “If it feels good, do it” was a slogan from the Hippie era. That one phrase has done a lot of harm.

If it feels good, you should delay it for a while, and it will feel even better!

However, do NOT delay marriage. Marry early and get the one you really want. Always looking for a better man causes anguish and stops you from living in the moment. Be careful; don’t marry someone who is just a “crush.” But if you are deeply in love, consider that you may never find another person who loves you that much.

Good luck! I hope you find that “Traditional” is best.

Copyright©. 2025 Bonnie B. Matheson