Friendships become so much more important as we age. Next to dogs, our friends and families provide the most fun and affection for us. If we have children, they are now older people themselves. Our children have families of their own. They have full lives. If we have siblings we should be thankful since no one else knows us as they do. It thrills me to realize my girls (daughters) are best friends with each other. I really envy them that closeness and trust.

“Yes, let’s get together,” I answered a friend who emailed me. She was afraid I might have forgotten who she was. We have not seen each other in 20 years, and a lot has happened since then.
“Yes, I remember you!!! Please consider making a special trip to Charlottesville, so we can have lunch.” I was happy to hear from her and excited to consolidate a new/old friendship. After all, I have lost some friends in the last few years. Several old friends have died because we are at the time of life when this is to be expected. But I have lost some friends for other reasons, too. I guess I am a difficult person to be friends with because I am outspoken. I am not like those people who just speak of neutral subjects and agree with everything the others say. But I miss these women friends, now that I never hear from them.

The odd thing is, I have plenty of friends who have completely different viewpoints with whom I write or speak regularly. I would never cancel someone just because they vote differently or have faith in doctors when I do not. Nor do I care what religion or political party they belong to. In fact, I love my friends who think differently because they keep me on my toes. They make me think about why I believe what I believe, and that is always helpful.
Just yesterday I called an old friend I like to chat with, every few months. Her daughter answered the phone. She told me that her mother had passed away in November. NOVEMBER! So each time I thought of her after November 17th, she was already dead. Those times I did not call because of so many December birthdays in our family or the rush of Christmas preparations and parties to attend she was already gone. It was already too late.
I was shocked because her daughter had written a note, which I had only received the day before, telling me that her mother had died. She enclosed a Christmas card from her mother, signed by her, before she died. But I did not understand the note sent by her daughter, mistaking her name for someone else. I saw the Christmas card from my friend and decided to call her up for a chat. Imagine my shock when I got it through my head that we would NOT be chatting anymore. Cherish your friends! I wish I had told Lisa how much I enjoyed our chats. I guess she knows, now. She pops into my head several times a day ever since I discovered she is dead.
As we all get older, it is essential to keep up friendships. Perhaps, it is a good idea to become better friends with people we know less well. Regrouping is a good idea because some people age more quickly than others. Growing up we aged differently from each other, especially in our teens. But when we reach the last third of life, which most believe is about 65 years old, we diverge dramatically. Some people simply age out in their sixties. Or they die. Others are vigorous until they get through their seventies and then fizzle out. I am solidly into my eighties, and I see this difference in aging all around me. It is a wake-up call, and I am very aware of the fact that my time is now limited. It is hard to know how to react to that knowledge. Should I rush around and try to do the last few items on my bucket list? I choose to enjoy the moment right here, close to family and friends.
Friendships are like gardens. If you don’t tend them, you lose a lot of them. Of course, there are always a few old friends with whom you never break that thread, no matter how long it is between visits or phone calls. The other day, I received a Christmas card from one of my oldest friends. It was so exciting to hear from her because I miss her very much. But when I opened the card expecting at least some news, it only wished me a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I was crushed. Not wanting to wait for more mail, I texted her, and she answered with a smiley face and the words, “More later.” Busy, busy, busy.
We are all busy, but it is important to talk NOW. We do not know how long we will be here, and the end might be sudden. No time for goodbyes and no time to prepare, so prepare now.

I have never had a huge group of women friends. I have always had just one or two really good friends. I have never traveled in a “pack” of women. I know some women who do that. It has never appealed to me because, in some ways, I am a loner. I need my private space. Boarding school was something I managed to avoid, and I have never regretted it. My daughters both wanted to go to boarding school. This surprised me, but they both made lifelong friends there. Helen really loved her experience with Farmington. Lilla, less enthusiastic about Westover, still made best friends there.
It is fun to be friends with a wide spectrum of people. I enjoy having dinner parties and even big cocktail parties from time to time. Entertaining them is easy for me and keeps me on my toes. Some enjoy coming to my house and sitting around with me and my dogs and a cup of tea or coffee. Some let me know immediately that a dog in the lap is NOT something that makes them comfortable. It is hard for me to imagine this, but their distress is short lived. I end up sitting with two or three in my lap while the visit continues.

Friends are important. I keep thinking of Lisa. Who knew I would miss someone so much when we did not become friends until late? The thing is, we talked and listened and talked some more. We were different and yet we liked each other. We did not cancel our friendship due to political differences. We cared for each other. So I am sorry I never got to say goodbye. And I really miss her.

Copyright©. 2025 Bonnie B. Matheson