I realize as I write this that I am speaking into the winds of change that have already swept the country. My voice echoes and becomes indistinguishable with that fierce gale, blowing our country away from its values. The subject of my futile attempt to awaken people is the total lack of morality today. A complete turnaround from the 1950s when I was growing up.  Today, it is considered modern to sleep around. There is no shame in losing one’s virginity. In fact, girls seem to set out to lose it sooner rather than later. Why?  Why do you want to have a bunch of people  have intimate knowledge of your body? What is attractive about that? Why not be chaste until you find the one you think you want to live with for the rest of your life?

I realize this is impractical in this time when women wait until they are in their late thirties to marry. But why wait? That is my entire point? What exactly are you waiting for? A man with a better job? A mythical prince who will whisk you away to his castle?  Do you think that is realistic or even to be desired?


Tucker Carlson’s show the other night was interesting. It was a question-and-answer show. The very first question was about whether people should have children early or later in life, and Tucker said to have them early. It thrilled me to hear this.

?There has been such a subtle war on parenting and families in general. People are not feeling happy about the idea of having children in the way they used to. This campaign against families has been on my mind lately. I had my children young, and I am so very glad I did. It is a LOT easier to have children when you are young. Our energy levels are higher in our teens or twenties. It is easier to conceive a child when you are young. The medical industry has developed a whole lot of methods for helping people to have a baby long past when they might have in the past.  But is it best?

What is your idea about being a parent? Do you see yourself playing with your children outdoors, riding horses with them, skiing, swimming, boating, shooting, playing tennis, golf, or other sports with balls? All of these are so much fun when you are young. You don’t hear young parents saying, “I am too old for this!” because they aren’t. But first, you need to find a mate.

Don’t ruin your life with successive relationships with people you do not want to spend your life with. My father said to me when I was a young teenager, “Never date someone whom you would not consider marrying.”

?Now I realize that he said that because he was afraid for his daughters. He was afraid we might get pregnant and be forced to marry a man who was not the right sort.

That was actually very fine advice, but I have heard others laugh at it and say it is foolish. By not dating all sorts of people, you deprive yourself of diversity. However, diversity in dating might not work out too well.

The simple fact is that people like their own kind. People like people who are like them in their beliefs and who are the same in their souls.  Sometimes, this comes straight out of left field. There are certainly some very happy couples who have totally different backgrounds. But I believe those couples probably have deeply held beliefs and core values that are the same. Opposites may attract; however, most of the time, success comes from sharing the same belief system, the same goals, the same race, and religion. These similarities help a lot. Please do not get all “triggered” by my mention of race. The plain fact is that MOST people do better with their own race in a marriage. Of course, there are exceptions. If you fall in love with someone different, celebrate it and get married. But my whole premise is about making it easy on yourself and your relationship.

My purpose here is to encourage young people to find a partner and marry in their twenties. Don’t put it off. Don’t tell people you want to have fun before you get married. Don’t you realize that being married IS fun? Having a partner “have your back” is marvelous. The bad things that happen are only half as bad when you share your life. The reward is that the good things are DOUBLY as good!

The whole culture needs to change, though. I do not understand what goes for boy/girl relationships in today’s world. First, you must determine if the person you fancy has always been a girl or a boy from birth. (I cannot believe I am even writing this)

Once you are sure there won’t be an unpleasant surprise later, you need to find ways to get to know each other. You do this by spending time together, taking walks, playing a sport, or sitting by the fire. You do NOT do it by going out to a RAVE and getting hammered. You do not do it drunk, because then you are not yourself. Never go to bed with someone on the first date or whatever way you happened to be together. In fact, waiting to kiss each other is a great way to begin. There is magic in anticipation.

?Watch Pride and Prejudice. Jane Austen “got it.”. The anticipation, the longing, the almost missing it, and then miraculously finding each other is so much more important than the casual “hook up”. ??Respect yourself enough to wait. Respect yourself and your partner enough to get to know each other before becoming intimate. If in the exploratory phase you discover that there is nothing special about the relationship, move on. (Still chaste) Move on with your life intact, heart unbroken, and your reputation flourishing.

?Never say or even think the words, “I want to have fun before I get married.” That is validating a wrong idea. That makes it seem insane to marry at all. And it is WRONG. Marriage is the most fun thing you will do in your life. Don’t waste time; do it, now.

Copyright©. 2024 Bonnie B. Matheson