When my mother reached the age of 80, we thought little of it. Of course, she was older, but so what? She did not look it, and she was happy. She was in love with a childhood sweetheart whom she married at 81. Mother never mentioned much about aging to me. She was interested in her clothes, the jewels that matched them, her dogs, her friends, and her family.
She was a happy person who rarely ever complained about her own body aging. She just did not talk about that.

The first time it was truly apparent to me that I was an “older woman,” I was in Scotland, riding a hotel
bus to the train station and then on to the airport. I would turn 75 the following month. I had
been in Iceland with a lover, and in Scotland at a fabulous spa where I walked every day and
drank only juices. My good health was showing, and I felt superb. I now was heading home.
The bus was crowded. Since there were no vacant seats, I just stood up and held on to a pole
in the center aisle. Almost immediately, a young man rose from his seat and motioned me to
take it. It surprised me, but then I realized he was simply being polite to a much older person.
There was probably a half century dividing us. That gesture from the young man opened my
eyes, and it finally lodged in my mind that even though I felt as if I were still in my 20s, to
others I was an older woman. Wow!

Now that I am over 80, I realize how much my mother avoided mentioning these changes. She
never shared her experiences with any of us. The body does change. Strength leaves our
hands and bottles become challenging to open. Mother used a nutcracker to open a bottle of
soda or tonic water. This is a great trick to know for those who struggle. It is important to use
every opportunity to go to the rest room as you age. One is never sure how long one can hold
out with a full bladder after 80.

There are huge advantages that come with age. Wisdom and experience save me a great deal of trouble. It is easy to recognize people with whom it is not worth spending any time, energy, or emotion. There is a feeling of peace due to knowing how history constantly repeats itself. All this has happened before. It will happen again, long after I have gone on to the next dimension. Never-the-less, I contribute my views out into the ether. I hope for the best for my country. I vote.

Shockingly, my friends’ children also have begun to look old. Not just older as in grown- up, I
mean old, as in wrinkled, bald or totally grey. I think of these people as I knew them as babies or toddlers. Maybe I met them when they were in high school. Now, they are not just
grown- up; they are no longer young. One slightly older friend has a daughter who is 70; many others are in their 60s, as are some of my own children. Most of them are healthy, even athletic, but they
are middle-aged or older. The women are almost all grey-haired now, too. In fact, because of
this recent “grey” trend, I stopped putting a rinse on my own hair. It looks pretty “lame” to be
sporting auburn/brown hair when one’s own daughters are both grey. So, I quit. (Mother
never did stop being a blonde, though, even at 101 when she died.) Times have changed
about hair color. Recently, I tried a rinse in turquoise streaks, just for fun.

There are body aches that were never there before. One’s friends joints make strange crackling sounds as they rise from their seated positions. Calling someone after 8 p.m. at night is a risk, as they may have gone to bed. Remember when there were certain people you could call up until 11 p.m.? Those days are gone. Some of my friends stay in bed in the morning until long after 9- or 9:30 a.m. Until recently I went to an early Pilates class that started at 6:30 a.m. on Mondays and Wednesdays. When the company decided to start the class a half hour earlier, I quit. That half hour was the cut-off point, ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back.’ Up until then I was an early riser.
Now, not so much, and I secretly love it. Is it OK to be lazy after one reaches her 80s?

Now, I go to a Line Dancing class, which starts later in the day. Line dancing makes me smile
from the minute I walk into the room until a long time after it is over. Such fun and such good exercise, both at the same time. But the dancing stopped when I sprained my ankle almost three weeks ago. While recovering, I can do an online class or two, mostly seated ones. As soon as my sprained ankle has healed enough, I plan to begin going to Jazzercise class. That will be fun! That was one of my favorite exercise classes years ago. I recently discovered that they have classes here in Charlottesville, Virginia.

Getting out of a deep chair can be a challenge. Sitting too long in one position can cause
tingling or even cause one’s foot to go to sleep. We often need help to hoist ourselves out of a
low spot. I have struggled, once or twice, to get out of my hammock without landing on the
ground by accident. We must always hold on to the railing when going up or down steps. When we go
to someone’s house or some event which provides seating, we judge carefully before picking
a spot to sit down.

Sadly, we lose friends more and more as we age. I write RIP next to their names in my contact list; it shocks me to notice how many there are with these initials next to their names. The longer we live, the more these losses occur. However, we can still make new friends as we go places and learn new things. Mah Jongg and Line Dancing are my two newest endeavors. The first one exercises my brain, while the second gives my body happy dance moves and joyful thoughts.

I have always had my own slightly theatrical way of dressing. Now after so many years of trial-and- error, I have found a way to always look pulled together and feminine without too much
trouble. I dress in black, top to bottom, and then wear a flowy, turquoise top, or sometimes
an open tailored shirt in turquoise over the column of black. My earrings and necklace are
turquoise and so are my glasses, my hearing aids, my fingernails and my toenails. All my
accessories such as my purse, wallet, watch and hair clips match because they are also
turquoise. People come up to me in stores, on planes and in parking lots or theaters to tell me
how great I look. This makes me happy every single time. What a little ego boost for a woman
far past her prime! And best of all, it makes my life so easy, makes dressing so simple and
lacking in angst. I am basically a lazy person.

The other day I went to a presentation by our Lieutenant Governor of Virginia, Winsome Sears. She has announced that will run for Governor! My ankle was beginning to be much better after the sprain two weeks ago. I did not take a “walker” to lean on. Instead, I carried a cane encrusted in white and turquoise sparkling rhinestones. It was awkward to limp into the venue and there was no hiding my lameness. A woman who greeted me asked me if I would like it if her husband brought me my food. For a moment I thought about saying no. Then it dawned on me that I am “old” (and getting older), and “lame” (temporarily), so I said, “Yes, please. That would be lovely.”

Later at the end of the day, the same man asked me if he could bring my car around. It was my fondest wish!!! I gratefully handed him my keys. Age has its privileges.
Years ago, in Palm Beach, an elegant, older woman gave me advice I have used frequently over the years. She said,” My dear, take a cookie when it is passed.” And that has proven to be a very
useful principle all through my life. To that I now add, “Take a favor when it is offered.” Be grateful and enjoy it.

Growing old is a privilege denied to many.

Copyright©. 2024 Bonnie B. Matheson