It is OK to be lazy sometimes. This is one of the great lessons of life. Everyone needs to learn the difference between being lazy and true indolence. If you have dogs, you know. Dogs instinctively relax multiple times a day. It is one of their best qualities because it causes no problems and is charming to see. Many people feel guilty about that kind of utter relaxation that loosens every muscle and often leads to sleep. I embrace it.

My Mother was busy all the time. She never sat down without purpose. If she was sitting, it was because she was on the phone or writing notes at her desk. Otherwise, she was up arranging flowers, checking on things in the garden or the kitchen or in other rooms of the house. She kept a neat, organized home. Her attic was organized; even her “junk drawers” in her dresser or in her dressing room contained a well-curated combination of extra glasses, some hair clips, a small pouch of foreign coins, extra stamps, some colorful rubber bands, some tiny gifts from others, a broken earring, a small leather diary, and each thing was visible or easily accessible. It was not a jumble. Her closet was organized by color. Her shoes were on racks arranged by type, then by shade and heel height.

One thing I remember about my mother was that she was almost always at home when I got back from school. It was a very reassuring thing. I would come in the front door and head immediately for my parents’ bedroom, which was on the 1st floor. There she was! Even if I didn’t need her for anything, she was right there, where I expected her. All was right with the world.

However, I never seemed to see my mother relaxing, with nothing to do. It was a rare sight to see her lying down in the middle of the day. At the beach, she would lie down in the sun she adored. She never seemed to get too hot. Doing nothing at the beach seemed all right with her. It wasn’t until her 90s that I would see her resting on the sofa. Even then she would say,” I don’t take naps!” (even though it looked like a nap to me.)

Yet, now, I have many moments of true relaxation, day after day. Of course, I am in my 80s, and demands on my time are far less than at other times in my life. But I can see the huge benefits of just doing “nothing” for a while. It lets my mind rest, as well as my body. Usually, the dogs benefit from those times. If I sit down on any piece of furniture they can jump up on, they join me. There is a wonderful long sofa in front of the fireplace in my living room. By removing the back pillows, it can be as wide as a bed when lying down. It makes plenty of room for my 2 dogs and even for the visiting dogs to pile on. And they immediately go limp. Having those warm bodies next to me is lovely. It must be so sad (and lonely) not to have a dog or two.

Emptying one’s mind is healing, and of course nature abhors a vacuum. New ideas rush in, along with old memories, both good and bad. Since I enjoy writing, these tidal waves of new ideas thrill me. The more relaxed I become, the more new ideas I have. Sometimes I drift off to sleep and then wake with fresh dreams of something I might never have thought of if awake.

My mother never seemed to ruminate on her life, the good parts and the bad. She never mentioned any regrets, nor did she appear to remember her triumphs with pleasure. She was always so much in the moment. Because of this, it did not occur to me that many people reflect on their lives as the end nears. For me, now, the memories are explicit and frequent. They certainly flood my mind with an unexpected rush of regret or pleasure. Something may jog my mind: a song that takes me back 3/4 of a century, a scent that overwhelms my present thoughts and takes me to another time, long ago. These memories are often sweet, but sometimes they make me cringe, and I say to myself, “What were you thinking?”

Suddenly, the sight of silver, sparkling tinsel or spangles reminds me of the costumes we wore for a ballet recital in the late 1940s. I can see the painted eyes of the adult male dancer who danced with an older ballerina in that production. I had never seen a man wearing makeup. It shocked me. The muscled male body so close to us little girls thrilled me. I was not relaxed. My stage fright and nervousness made me more susceptible to making a memory for a lifetime. Silver tinsel can still make me react internally enough to feel the feelings I felt then. I was 6 years old.

Should I write down all these unexpected memories? What is the point? Who cares? And yet, there may be an audience who would appreciate knowing how a little girl felt in 1948. Writing that number down reminds me it’s been nearly a century since then. My mother lived for more than a century, so it must have seemed weird to her to see the numbers repeating themselves with a century in between. But she never mentioned it. She also never complained about not sleeping well. She never mentioned having any aches and pains. NOT EVER. So now, at almost mid-80s, I wish I could ask her about those things. Did she ever have trouble sleeping? Did she wake up feeling sore? Was it hard to get up out of a chair? Or did climbing out of a car cause her any discomfort? What was she experiencing? Did none of those things affect her? Or was she being very careful never to say anything that could be construed as “old lady” problems?

The other day I heard the song with the lines, “I love you, a bushel and a peck, and a hug around the neck!” It brought back a memory of sitting in the front seat of my Daddy’s car, listening to the radio and singing along to that same song. How happy I was. How I loved my Daddy! How secure I felt being driven to school by him. Interestingly, I can recreate that feeling by lying down in my bed (or a sofa) with my dogs. My body and mind mingle in a thick, warm puddle of contentment, totally satisfied, totally relaxed. The feeling is in itself rejuvenation. There is no guilt attached. No regret for not being busy.

Being truly lazy, on the other hand, inconveniences everyone. People who depend on someone to complete a task on time become frustrated and disappointed. Lazy people make mistakes that can cause accidents or even death. That kind of neglect infuriates people and slows progress with endless delays. It is worse than simple distraction; it is criminal neglect of duty. Lack of accountability is no longer seen as shameful or wrong. It is so rampant these days, that people often expect it. Indolent laziness gains a person nothing except disrespect.

However, internally relaxed people inspire confidence. Even if it is forced, a relaxed person emanates a feeling of safety—no panic, no hysterics, no tears or shouting.

This reminds me of an old joke which has NOT withstood the test of time: “When rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it!” Women today will not find that funny. But I do. When I first heard that in the very “Victorian” period of the 1950s, it was considered slightly off-color, but it didn’t send anyone into a complete meltdown. I miss the days when someone would tell a joke like that, and everyone laughed. They didn’t necessarily agree, but they laughed because it was funny. We have lost the ability to relax when a joke is told. Instead, many people mentally examine it before deciding whether it is politically correct enough to laugh at. That is so sad. But I should have known there would eventually be “pushback”.

Someone told me recently that young teenagers today are throwing out all those politically correct ideas and forbidden words. He said they are saying things that the previous generation would have considered absolutely outrageous. Perhaps that is why they do it, to horrify their parents’ generation. Historically, each generation seems to feel it needs to outdo its parents or grandparents in unusual ways. I guess that is why my generation said things like, “If it feels good, do it!” That made my parent generation gasp in shock, depending on what we were talking about. We liked to stir them up. That is what each generation does as it matures: it smashes old paradigms and begins new ones.

Since my generation can do little about any of this, relaxing is a good antidote. Especially for those over 80, this should be a time to reflect and be grateful for our past experiences. We can relax and feel confident that the present generation of young teenagers will grow up to be competent, inventive, resourceful, and capable. In addition to those qualities, I hope they will also be able to fully relax and enjoy the world that they build.

Copyright©. 2026 Bonnie B. Matheson