Large gatherings for Thanksgiving have been a tradition in our family for decades. Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday ever since I stopped believing in Santa Claus.

Thanksgiving week is coming.
 I am a bit worried about this Thanksgiving as I have a ton of people
coming, and I have to figure out where to put extra tables and chairs. The preparations always used to be somewhat stressful, but I never felt overwhelmed in quite the way that I do these days. It always works out, though, in the end.  Of course, I know it is the guests that make the party!
They don’t care if my chairs, or my china, matches ! Plenty of food and
generous amounts of wine or soft drinks make the day joyful and fulfilling. All
of this culminates in plentiful pies and cakes and sweets.

Over the years, Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. It is the first one of the winter season, so I am not yet tired of holidays. Thanksgiving requires no presents or greeting cards. It is all about gratitude and I have plenty of that. It is easy to prepare for, especially if you are a guest. For the host and hostess, it is more of an event than a Sunday supper with family,
but it is not as complicated or emotional as a wedding.

My early experiences with Thanksgiving was that it was low-key but elegant. Growing up in our family of 5 we normally had a guest or two,
maybe my best friend and her parents or my grandfather. Certainly, less than a dozen, more like eight to ten family and guests. We sat in the dining room.  The table was decorated usually with a cornucopia of fruit, nuts, and fall flowers.
Our mother was artistic and created great table arrangements.

The first course was passed to us by the butler and then cleared by a
maid and the butler. Then we ate a big turkey with dressing, gravy, and
other vegetables. The salad course was served after that. Sometimes, the
turkey was placed in front of my father to carve it. Other times, it was already
sliced into white meat, dark meat, and dressing, and served by the butler on a
large silver platter. He brought us each a plate after the salad course with a
small attractive finger bowl sitting on a doily. Each bowl had a tiny flower floating in the middle of the water. We each dipped our greasy fingers in the bowl and then carefully removed the bowl, moving it with the lace doily and placing it to the left just above the plate. We used our beautiful linen napkins to dry the tips of our fingers. Then the butler passed the desert, which was inevitably ice cream in white glass bowls with a fluted edge. Usually, this was coffee ice cream, and it was accompanied by chocolate sauce, either already on it or passed separately.  I still have these bowls!

I remember my first Thanksgiving with my new boyfriend, Charley.
It was a revelation.  His family went to his grandparents’ house down on the
Potomac River for a large celebration.  The Matheson grandparents had four
children and numerous grandchildren in attendance. My boyfriend was one of six children, so Charley and his family was the largest group there. The butler with assistant staff served the meal just as it was done at my house. But they had the meal in their large
“ballroom,” and we all sat at a long banquet table.  Later, there was a table for
great-grandchildren, separate from the adults.

The food was passed to us, and we all served ourselves while the butler held the serving tray. We all understood making conversation with our dinner partners on either side.
Everyone was well-mannered, polite, and well-dressed. It was joyful but not
noisy. All of us, the younger ones, were extremely careful with our manners. It
was quite a show.  Of course, I was an outsider looking in, but it was not long
before we married, and I became a regular part of these shindigs.??
A few years into our marriage, my husband’s grandparents decided to
go to Florida to their winter home before Thanksgiving. Their grandmother
was beginning to show signs of dementia, and it was time for her to quit. That
way, they did not have to deal with the whole enterprise anymore, and it was
passed on to my mother-in-law. At the time, I did not realize the significance of
this baton passing. It just seemed normal to me. Tradition was important.
Besides, we really liked getting together at Thanksgiving and seeing all the
cousins.

The first year, we all pitched in and helped by bringing food, which was set out
on the pool table in the room next to the dining room. It was an amazing
spread, but we did not have the same ability to relax because we were also
serving and cleaning, and by that time, many of us had tiny children, too. My
parents-in-law, with their daughters and their husband’s aid, set up many
tables for us. There were way too many for one table. It was full of laughter
and good cheer; even our children looked forward to going. The cousins
enjoyed playing touch football after eating, and there was a lot of chatter and
laughter.

?The following year, my parents-in-law hired a caterer to help with the
major food choices, though we almost all brought something to share. The
caterer also served, cleared, and passed drinks, so we were all guests once
again. It was marvelous. We continued that tradition until my parents-in-law
died a week apart at the age of 94. It was the greatest gift they could have
given to us. Keeping us all together with love and, food, and fun was priceless.

?Even though my husband and I divorced 20 years ago, today, we all gather at
my house for Thanksgiving. Our five children come here with their children
and in-laws. They all seem to really enjoy each other. Of course, some are
closer than others, but there is a genuine sense of belonging. They all know
they are loved and accepted. It does not matter that some share radically
different beliefs from others. They don’t seem to feel obligated to talk about
their differences. That makes for a pleasant afternoon and a warmth and
kinship, which not many people experience these days.

My house has no ballroom and no butler either, though my mother’s man,
Emelio, comes to help bartend, serve, and clean up. I will have Adela and a
friend in the kitchen; she has been helping me for almost two decades.
It is a big undertaking but also fun; I don’t want to stop, even though it is
beginning to be a really large group. I am mentally moving furniture around in
my mind in anticipation of nearly 40 people seated for Thanksgiving dinner.

?Especially in this time, when so many families are divided, it is important to
remember that blood is thicker than water. (or politics). I have read that some
articles are being written about families cutting off branches of their families,
who voted for the opposite candidate of their choice. Or perhaps they offended them in some other way that is trending this year. This is so sad. I am horrified that this is being normalized. It is wrong. And there is nothing “normal” about it. Remember, “Divide and Conquer” is true. So think of our country as a great big salad full of all sorts of cold meats, hard-boiled eggs, fruits and nuts, and lettuce and croutons. Splash some dressing on us, and we make a great combination!

Things change, people change, and politics change, but families are forever.
You carry that DNA whether you like it or not. It is lovely to be connected to
others by blood. You don’t have to LIKE everything about them; they are your
family.

?Have a very Happy Connected Thanksgiving!

Copyright©. 2024 Bonnie B. Matheson